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Wherever I may find her.

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[21 May 2007|11:51pm]
I dreamt of a fever,
one that would cure me of this cold winter set heart,
with heat to melt these frozen tears, and burned with reasons
as to carry on.
Into these twisted months I plunge without a light to follow
but I swear that I would follow anything,
just get me out of here.
And you get six months to adapt,
and you get two more to leave town.
and in the event that you do adapt, we still might not want you around.
But I fell for the promise of a life with a purpose,
but I know that that's impossible now.
And so I drink to stay warm,
and to kill selected memories,
cause I just can’t think anymore about that or about her tonight.
and I give myself three days to feel better,
or else I swear I'll drive right off a fucking cliff,
cause if I can’t learn to make myself feel better,
how can I expect anyone else to give a shit?
and I scream for the sunlight or a car to take me anywhere,
just get me past this dead and eternal snow,
cause I swear that I'm dying, slowly but its happening,
and if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere,
just take me there,
just take me there,
just take me there,
and say and lie to me and say,
and lie to me and say,
it’s gonna be alright,
it's gonna be alright,
Yeah, you worry too much kid,
it's gonna be alright.
stopped for tea

[11 Mar 2007|06:58pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

If a lot of things were up to me, I would be a lot happier. But that goes for everyone

Everyone wants everything to go their way.



And all the girls want to get with the boys and the boys really like it.

2 stopped for tea

[29 Oct 2006|10:14am]
I went to Aarons holoween party last ngith and it turned out good. I saw Aaron,Aaron,Blake,Danny and Charlie.

but I had to go home. tonight is Kathleens party where Lindsey and I will dress up as  nurses and Rob is going to be the doctor.

im excited. I think.
stopped for tea

[15 Oct 2006|09:37pm]
I just feel like that everyone i had close to me to tell them everything isnt there anymore. and if i do talk to them they dont care. maybe they are sick of my bull shit. I miss Lindsey.

Halloween is comming.


2 stopped for tea

[23 Sep 2006|01:22pm]
[ mood | drained ]

I have concluded:

I'm a parasite

5 stopped for tea

[16 Sep 2006|07:31pm]
[ mood | nerdy ]

im here at  johanna's tongiht. there is a party. no secrets.

i am trying to get closer to my fellow class mates because for two years  now i didnt like them and i only hung out with a older crowd or people from a diffrent district.so im glad we can share weekends together. (totaly gay sentance)

Im okay now i got into advanced ballet and i take 5 ballet classes a week. im excited because i get to get skinny and loose 7403274 pounds. i want to be skinny again and i dont like it when people tell me that i already am. i mean i know i am, im jsut not happy at the weight i am at. hopefully i will be down to 115 by the end of winter. and so when i go to see louis in the summe ri will be happy with wearing a bathing suit. ahh i cant wait till i go to greece i am going to party,swim and shop!

i think i need a new boy to ponder about haha.

stopped for tea

[09 Sep 2006|08:21pm]
ive never felt like this before. if it were up to me i wouldnt care if i died tomorrow or tonight.so much has bult up at me and i have gone crazy, lost controll and now im at the state of my mind where it is confused so i feel like i have no more feeling left. i almost feel numb,i cant even eat. i want to throw up i wish someone could reach down inside me and take out all my anger,hate, dissapointness i have in me. i dont know whta to feel anymore. what do i have school,work and some shitty dance classes i have to take.
so why was it i am still stuck in the same class? why is it that people that are less advanced than me had moved up. why is that a HUGE part of my life and been swallowed and spit out at me and was left of shit. fuck them i dont need that. i have spent my life working that hard to be shut down at this point. i need a new studio. but i am sick of finding a new one. if i leave it will be my fourth one i will be attending. i tell you what every single dance company holds grudges, every single one.

so when am i going to unwind? i already am, i have nothing else left to cry about, all i have is shame in myslef and the fact that i cant even get into a fucking advanced class.


so whats this i hear about bryan shaw telling people that him and i hooked up? why would i? why would he sink that low and tell people that. i dont even know him that well. people jsut dont say those things about me they never have. i wouldnt even think of people doing that to me. they know me. i dont mess with them.


i need myslef to get straightend up. 

and i dont think anyone can cheer me up on this one.
4 stopped for tea

[29 Aug 2006|10:42pm]
[ mood | mischievous ]

i got my legs waxed today...ouchhhh.





yep gone in 2 days



ill take lots of pictures


uhm yeah thats a dread he has up on his face.

i miss that kid.

2 stopped for tea

[24 Aug 2006|11:02pm]

im sick of work. im sick of ghetto people that are trash.

IM SICK OF TRASH!

i jsut want a new job.

 

everything is bothering me lately. jsut people. im stressing out. things are bothering me. i jsut cry when something bad happens to me.

like my father, why did he have to leave us in the first place. its just starting to bother  me now because now im old enough to understand what had happend and why he left. he didnt even want to watch me grow up. i miss louis, he was there when i got home from work and i had someone to talk to.

i dont even know about friends now. this year is going to be lame i know it. partys dont even seem the same anymore. it is always the same thing. if your not close with the people you are around then you wont have fun. but i have tried to meet new people i realy have i enjoyed it. but they seem to all hate me. its becasue of my hair i feel like people arnt accepting me now. like how is a guys going to like me back if they are thinking that im drity or dont shower. all i have to say to them is fuck you.

i dont even want to be in this country any more. i dont want to go to the same school anymore or i wouldnt  even care if i didnt even see the people that i know anymore. becasue im sick of it im sick of lowering myself down just so that you will like me. im sick of apoligizing to everyone when nothing is my fault. 


so i have came to a conclusion that i am going to worry about my self from now on. stay focused on me. and when next summer comes i will be gone for it. i wont be in this country i wont be around all these people that jsut bother me.



I JUST DONT CARE ANY MORE


5 stopped for tea

[19 Aug 2006|12:53am]
i love bianca,louis,johanna,and ashely.

thanks
6 stopped for tea

[13 Aug 2006|03:46am]

god! she is so lucky she gets to get out of this place...

next summer i am going to greece for a month to stay with my cousin. im excited..

at this point of my life i can say things are going to be random. people who i hang out with will be random. i love to meet new people and i am excited for what happens next. al i know is that i want to be a good student this year. that means i need my mom to take me to get adderall.becasue i wont be able to make it this year with out it. 

not from what i have been doing this summer, and will keep doing this year and so fourth.
i guess i am happy all this stuff has happend to me, like lindsey said, she learns form her mistakes. AHH I MISS HER ALSO!

i miss allison and tara. will you guys please call me 9310408


i hope i work at Corkys.



by the way its 4 a.m.

8 stopped for tea

[09 Aug 2006|11:23pm]
SO I think i want to go back to school but not dance.

i have been workig all week and all i want to do is hang out with people that i havnt seen in a long while.

i am working on my tan all day tomorrow at deer lake.(private area)

i havnt washed my hair since july 24th
9 stopped for tea

[06 Aug 2006|10:49pm]
[ mood | drained ]

so my cousin leaves for the marines tomorrow and it is lame.he will be in boot camp for 3 months buts its cool cuz i get to go to south carolina to see him graduate.

i need to loose weight because i weight 140 pounds. yes 140! HELLO!

im a fat boy.

dance needs to start back up like right now cuz i cant stand my weight.

im going up notrth labor day weekend there will  be a craft show. im happy to go..


and i work this whole week. dang
we all used to be best friends

8 stopped for tea

[05 Aug 2006|09:42am]
[ mood | ashamed ]



I miss crimping my hair and back combing the back to make it poofy. If I crave doing it can I do your hair?

8 stopped for tea

[03 Aug 2006|10:24am]
I just feel imbarrased and i cant talk to you. Or see you. I know what you will say and get mad at me.


im really sorry.
3 stopped for tea

[02 Aug 2006|07:39pm]

tonight is doobie brothers. i am going with bianca. and louis.


i went swimming today and last ngiht for the first time this summer. i was scared to get my hair wet though.


tomorrow louis,joel and aaron are going to the sounds of the underground tour. i am excited. i will try not to get killed moshing.


im jsut waiting for bianca to get here soon.she is bringing some kids. and they better not get on my nerves.



ahh shoot player
5 stopped for tea

[17 Jul 2006|10:40am]
so to let you guys know. i am going to start to write in this again.

i want it to be fixed up though.
1 stopped for tea

[03 Feb 2005|06:25pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

21 stopped for tea

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