Wherever I may find her. (dried_silk) wrote,
Wherever I may find her.

ive never felt like this before. if it were up to me i wouldnt care if i died tomorrow or tonight.so much has bult up at me and i have gone crazy, lost controll and now im at the state of my mind where it is confused so i feel like i have no more feeling left. i almost feel numb,i cant even eat. i want to throw up i wish someone could reach down inside me and take out all my anger,hate, dissapointness i have in me. i dont know whta to feel anymore. what do i have school,work and some shitty dance classes i have to take.
so why was it i am still stuck in the same class? why is it that people that are less advanced than me had moved up. why is that a HUGE part of my life and been swallowed and spit out at me and was left of shit. fuck them i dont need that. i have spent my life working that hard to be shut down at this point. i need a new studio. but i am sick of finding a new one. if i leave it will be my fourth one i will be attending. i tell you what every single dance company holds grudges, every single one.

so when am i going to unwind? i already am, i have nothing else left to cry about, all i have is shame in myslef and the fact that i cant even get into a fucking advanced class.

so whats this i hear about bryan shaw telling people that him and i hooked up? why would i? why would he sink that low and tell people that. i dont even know him that well. people jsut dont say those things about me they never have. i wouldnt even think of people doing that to me. they know me. i dont mess with them.

i need myslef to get straightend up. 

and i dont think anyone can cheer me up on this one.
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